January
18, 2010
I went to see the counselor today, Dr. Williams. He is nice
and personable. I told him I was used to going to therapy and I disliked
bringing up my family, parents, siblings, because it has nothing to do with my
situation with Jerry right now. I’m sure he smirked inside but he let me have
my say.
I told him my side of the story. I asked him what the odds
are that this marriage is going to work. He explained if we were both willing
to work at it, it would work. He said he would help us have a happy marriage,
or would help us through an amicable divorce. I liked that he didn’t make any
promises.
However, he told me Jerry thinks I should forgive him
unconditionally. He asked me how I felt about that. I told him how I always
have forgiven him in the past for his abuse. I asked him if it was right to
keep forgiving someone unconditionally.
He said a mother forgives a child unconditionally, but it’s
not appropriate to forgive someone for being inappropriate, especially if
they’re not sorry for it. I told him I agree.
Dr. Williams told me
he told Jerry it would probably take me at least two years to be able to start
to trust him again. Jerry said he wasn’t willing to wait that long. I balked,
visibly shaking the chair.
I said, “That clinches it then, doesn’t it? There’s no hope.”
He said he would be happy to meet with us to see what happens and to be there
to help us through this time. I got the feeling this guy knew more than he was
telling, but maybe it will come out later. It’s nice to be able to talk to
someone.
I asked him if he thought it was okay for me to get my own
bank account. I told him what Dee said. He smiled and said he thought it was
fine. I told him Jerry wouldn’t like it.
He said Jerry seems to do things that I don’t like, too. I
smiled. This guy is very likable.
So that’s three people who said it’s okay for me to have my
own account. Why do I think I need their approval? But I do. I never know if
what I’m doing is right. I’m always so afraid.
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