Thursday, March 20, 2014

Chapter Three: Devastation, Part IV: January 2010

January 13, 2010

I spoke with the bishop today on the phone. He actually called me. Nice man. He has persuaded Jerry and I to work out our differences and keep our marriage together. With many reservations, I told him I would try. He wants us to see the stake president.
I'm really not in my right mind. I'm frightened. Still in shock. Is patching up our marriage the right thing to do? Is there enough duct tape in the world? I suppose it's his job to get us to try. I don't feel compelled to be working hard on anything, let alone my thirty-plus-year broken marriage. There's no energy left, no argument unturned that will make me happy.

I asked him if he thought it would be okay for me to get my own bank account and he said yes. So I went to the bank--not the bank Jerry and I use--after work today and opened an account.

For a minute I thought I should have the checks delivered to my office instead of at home, but I don’t want to slink around doing things behind his back and lie. I’m not like him.

I’ve had my own bank account before. Of course, he closed it out—without my permission. He didn’t want me to have my own, but when I first started back to work years ago, I realized I could pay tithing and not be part of tithing settlement under my husband. Even my kids had their own tithing settlement statements.

Tithing was the first check I wrote when I opened my own checking account.

Still, I’m having second thoughts now. He will get really mad. I just have to face it. I have to learn to be strong and stand up to him or I’m going to have the same marriage I’ve always had, with him in control and me submissive.

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